Chels in Progress

Today was one of those days where I felt totally ill-equipped, too overwhelmed, and too afraid to deal with my circumstances. No daughter should have to figure out what it means to "flush a catheter", to change adult diapers, to pick spaghetti noodles off her mom's wheelchair, or to have to lift her mom out of a chair every time she needs to transfer. No mom wants her daughter to have to mess with her catheter, change her diaper, pick spaghetti noodles off her wheelchair, or to have to transfer her from chair to bed and bed to chair. I am resting in the reminder that God's original plan was not painful and broken; we were never meant to watch our family members fall apart. Our bladders were not meant to fail, our legs were not meant to stop working, and our memories were not meant to fade. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to know Your heart. For creating a perfect and beautiful and pain-free world before we chose to walk away from You. For giving us good and bea...

These past two weeks have been an absolute roller coaster.  I have become extra familiar with the third floor of the old building at the hospital (and pretty much every other floor).  The change in my appetite has thrown me for a loop, and my cup of grace is dwindling.  My supply of tears has somehow grown and has spilled over more times than I would have imagined possible.  Today I finally recognized some of the lies that the enemy has been trying to tell me, and I want nothing more than to renounce them.  Rather than writing the lies I've battled this week, I'm writing the truths God tells me instead. I am strong . Where I am weak, God is glorified ; my weaknesses are never in vain, Satan cannot capitalize on them if I lay them at Jesus' feet. My life doesn't have to be in perfect order before I am qualified to help people. It is okay to cry in the middle of a church service (and not everyone is looking). I am not alone. I am called out, I ...

There was a time in my life when God plucked me out of my comfort zone, and dropped me into a whole new environment.  I learned to rely on Him, trust Him, to look up to Him, much like when a child is scared or uncomfortable, they hold on tight to their parent's hand.  He taught me about grace and gentleness , patience and love .  My heart was light and full and bursting . But then, I was right back in a place I knew, and today I'm faced with the reality that I'm too comfortable again.  Today, I am burdened with the reality of my lack of grace .  In my striving to do well, I lost sight of people.  I was harsh.  I was uninviting.  My light was dim, and my love was small.  I was task-oriented before people-oriented.  I wanted to finish my job before serving. My heart was scrunchy and ugly today.  I was scrunchy and ugly today. In our striving, even striving for good things, we sin.  We stop relying on the Lord's stren...

{one} electric blankets. {two} two days in a row off of work. {three} picking up my DSLR again. {four} roommate bonding. {five} personal growth. {six} the smell of new boots, still lingering. {seven} the encouragement endeavor. {eight} being in community with other single twentysomethings who love the Lord. {nine} cheese + grapes combo. I can't even explain its perfection. {ten} breaking free study by beth moore, and the weekly discussion dates with my sis. ♥

Does this sound like a big feat?  Well, it is. Yesterday, my heart broke and I felt overwhelmed in grief for my mom.  She has been fighting MS for over 25 years, and watching it slowly take more from her is painful to watch.  Not only is she physically dwindling, but more so, her spirit is suffering.  I finally hit a wall, and I started bawling. So I sat with God and told Him how I felt.  I remembered that it was okay to dish it out.  He's big enough and strong enough to shoulder our grief, and more importantly, He cares about us.  So I laid it out there.  And then I slept on it. This morning, I wasn't sure what to think or feel.  I was all cried out, my eyes still puffy, and I just had to push through to get to work.  And then something happened.  I began to realize that I believed that God could intervene.  That God was truly there.  That He had me , as the Holy Spirit has been whispering into my ear all week. ...

God humbled me one day.  It was the first day I realized how truly selfish and prideful I was.  And then, He humbled me more.  And kept at it, slowly revealing my sinfulness that was causing me to build myself up.  And slowly, faithfully, He began to chip away at my pride.  Which, by the way, hurts.  It hurts real bad.  What hurts more, though, is looking back at my past and not having been able to see the areas of pride in my life, and now being able to see how they affected people around me.  The times when I wasn't gracious or compassionate, the times when I was rude or condescending, the times when I wanted something and tried chasing it, when God was clearly telling me that it wasn't for me.  "Hindsight is always 20/20," my mom used to tell me.  I get it now. Abba, Father.  Wipe away my pride even if it's as shocking as swiping a rug out from under my feet.  Break me down.  Show me what humility looks like,...

A little early because I work all day tomorrow... Top Ten Blessings This Past Week: {1} Praying my mija out today as she embarks on a service project across the world. {2} Learning about God's desire for the ekklesia with our high schoolers. {3} Paying my car off! {4} Two of my favorite kinds of weather (75° + sunny, and rainy-cozy). {5} My car's door lock part thingy-ma-bob getting fixed. {6} Iced tea at the Daily Brew. {7} Sweet time in fellowship at the Sunday night Bible study. {8} Finishing Hebrews at church. {9} Trail walk with Izzy boo. {10} Purchasing Microsoft Office... now motivated to write my résumé. ♥

{1} Joined the high school youth group leader squad. and got asked if I was a) a senior in high school, b) someone's sister, c) a babysitter. {2} Sold my guitar to a sister who wants to use it for worship. check out my last post. {3} Hearing testimonies + worship music with dear friends and new faces. {4} Freesoulcaffé + thrift store hopped with Allie Ray. {5} Discovered that Air1 now reaches Orange and LA Counties. {6} Warmer weather = skirt + tights + boots. {7} Comfy reindeer sweater twice in one week. {8} Made a paper chain by firelight. {9} Found a rad book on U.S. National Parks for 50¢ at the thrift store. {10} Christmas cards, decorations, smells, and music. and red cups at Starbucks.

“But do you believe miracles still happen?  Many Christians I’ve met do not. Often, this is because they confuse miracles with magic. I remind them that miracles don’t have to break that laws of nature to be a supernatural event.” - Bruce Wilkinson Today was so cool. So I've had this guitar (which I've never learned to play) for about four years, give or take.   It was a gift from an ex-boyfriend, and it's a beautiful guitar, but it's been just sitting in its case for a great deal of time now.  After figuring out that the guitar is not my forte, and guessing it wouldn't be a good idea to try to give it back, I decided to sell it.  We put it on Craigslist the day before Thanksgiving, but only received one offer, from a man offering half of what I was asking.  I may not be the best at bartering, but I was determined to not give up.We decided to re-list it this weekend, hoping it would be seen. Today my dad stopped by my work to tell me that a gir...

Rain. Hikes with my coworkers. (and having to climb down hillsides and brush to get back on the right trails) Coffee Bean's hot chocolate . This Mexican blanket that's been in my family for 20 years. (which I stole for my bed) Sweet new friends . My hair being the longest it's been in 7 years . My life group , and our intentional conversations. My ISP teammate moving to East Asia . A little Vietnamese restaurant opening down the street... they have BOBA. My quiet time park.

" Rejoice evermore.  Pray without ceasing.  In every thing give thanks : for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 It's so easy to dedicate one single day to giving thanks.  If we even do it on that day.  But it's difficult to give thanks to the Lord unceasingly .  To thank Him for absolutely everything .  But it's also one of the most freeing things we could learn to do. Last night started out beautifully.  My shift ended with a huge compliment from my manager, a free turkey, the turkey fitting perfectly in my freezer, my dad making me a delicious burrito for dinner, and a tea party and Christmasy crafts with two very dear friends.  I was really excited for everything, and ready to go to sleep peacefully.  And then I got home.  The night completely shifted into something less than beautiful, the least of our problems being how very colorful my language turned in response to the ch...

My heart aches for East Asia tonight. For all the hands that touched this coin before mine. And for all the hands that touched it after. For the farmers. For the people in the marketplace. For the watermelon lady, for La La, and for all the people in the alleyway. For the people who sit on the street corners selling their fruit. For the person who wrote this prayer, this wish. For the people whose wishes are tied all around this one. For all the people who put their faith in wooden and golden statues. For the lost , and broken . For the hurting and hungry , the thirsty and seeking . My heart aches. And I can only imagine that this heaviness in my chest is simply a fraction of the ache, the grieving, that the Lord feels for the people He created so beautifully, intentionally , delicately, sweetly who wander aimlessly through life ignoring Him denying Him hating Him & I pray this aching in my chest ...

One of the most beautiful cries out to the Lord that I have heard, and the prayers of my heart if they were a song. "...more and more I need You now , I owe You more each passing hour, the battle between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago So steal my heart and take the pain and wash the feet and cleanse my pride take the selfish , take the weak, and all the things I cannot hide take the beauty, take my tears, the sin-soaked heart and make it Yours take my world all apart take it now, take it now..." "Worlds Apart" - Jars of Clay ♥

In the glory of Your presence I find rest for my soul In the depths of Your love I find peace Makes me whole "I Love Your Presence" - Bethel Music grateful for a day of rest. grateful for sisters and brothers in Christ. grateful for sweet prayer dates with my sister. grateful for a surprise lunch delivery from my brother. grateful for pretty parks and weather. grateful for warm soup and tea when my stomach is upset. grateful for His beautiful Word. grateful for comfy covers when I don't feel well. grateful for new worship music. grateful for today.

I just got an email today titled "Hello Saints" and I am on the verge of tears.  I so am completely overjoyed because the Lord is so good , that he would not only allow me to be justified, forgiven, but that He desires to completely rid me of the ugliness and replace it with beauty and holiness through the process of sanctification. If you have entered into a relationship with the Lord, you are a saint.  And today is the day that we praise the Lord for and honor the saints in our lives. So to all of the saints in my life, who have shown me what Jesus looks like, spoken truth in my life, and have loved, encouraged, and walked beside me: I am so grateful for you.