Chels in Progress

Today was one of those days where I felt totally ill-equipped, too overwhelmed, and too afraid to deal with my circumstances. No daughter should have to figure out what it means to "flush a catheter", to change adult diapers, to pick spaghetti noodles off her mom's wheelchair, or to have to lift her mom out of a chair every time she needs to transfer. No mom wants her daughter to have to mess with her catheter, change her diaper, pick spaghetti noodles off her wheelchair, or to have to transfer her from chair to bed and bed to chair. I am resting in the reminder that God's original plan was not painful and broken; we were never meant to watch our family members fall apart. Our bladders were not meant to fail, our legs were not meant to stop working, and our memories were not meant to fade. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to know Your heart. For creating a perfect and beautiful and pain-free world before we chose to walk away from You. For giving us good and bea...

I never thought of myself as an ungrateful person.  That's the thing about sinfulness though, it gives you a false sense of self. Jesus Calling , April 6th: "Before Satan tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden, thankfulness was as natural as breathing ." Though I hadn't considered myself an ungrateful person, I knew darn well thankfulness wasn't as frequent, nor as imperative to me as breathing. Jesus Calling , continued: "When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened. You take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers, and countless other gifts from Me. You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is "fixed". " Straight to the heart. Today's devo entry could not have come to me on a more perfect day.  You see, on Wednesdays I care for my mom.  I love her, but our days together are hard.  Sometimes physically.  Mostly though, emotionally.  When s...

Does this sound like a big feat?  Well, it is. Yesterday, my heart broke and I felt overwhelmed in grief for my mom.  She has been fighting MS for over 25 years, and watching it slowly take more from her is painful to watch.  Not only is she physically dwindling, but more so, her spirit is suffering.  I finally hit a wall, and I started bawling. So I sat with God and told Him how I felt.  I remembered that it was okay to dish it out.  He's big enough and strong enough to shoulder our grief, and more importantly, He cares about us.  So I laid it out there.  And then I slept on it. This morning, I wasn't sure what to think or feel.  I was all cried out, my eyes still puffy, and I just had to push through to get to work.  And then something happened.  I began to realize that I believed that God could intervene.  That God was truly there.  That He had me , as the Holy Spirit has been whispering into my ear all week. ...