Chels in Progress

The first GriefShare Journal Prompt suggests pretending to write a letter to a friend to help them prepare for grief. My thoughts were scrambled, where does one even start? So I began here: Dear Friend, I'm so, so sorry you're about to be hit with grief. There's nothing I can say or do to lessen or expedite your grieving process. I'm not sure it'd be good to do so, anyhow. It hurts like hell some days, but you also get so many opportunities to remember your person and reflect, even opportunities to get to know them better; I'd hate for you to miss out on the beautiful things. Know that no one in your family or life will experience grief in exactly the same way as you. My grief is different from my dad's, my grandma's, my aunt's, my cousin's. We all loved my mom very much, but she was someone different to each of us: Mom, wife, daughter, sister, aunt. No loss is greater or less, just different. Never let anyone minimize your loss, ...

Today was one of those days where I felt totally ill-equipped, too overwhelmed, and too afraid to deal with my circumstances. No daughter should have to figure out what it means to "flush a catheter", to change adult diapers, to pick spaghetti noodles off her mom's wheelchair, or to have to lift her mom out of a chair every time she needs to transfer. No mom wants her daughter to have to mess with her catheter, change her diaper, pick spaghetti noodles off her wheelchair, or to have to transfer her from chair to bed and bed to chair. I am resting in the reminder that God's original plan was not painful and broken; we were never meant to watch our family members fall apart. Our bladders were not meant to fail, our legs were not meant to stop working, and our memories were not meant to fade. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to know Your heart. For creating a perfect and beautiful and pain-free world before we chose to walk away from You. For giving us good and bea...

Does this sound like a big feat?  Well, it is. Yesterday, my heart broke and I felt overwhelmed in grief for my mom.  She has been fighting MS for over 25 years, and watching it slowly take more from her is painful to watch.  Not only is she physically dwindling, but more so, her spirit is suffering.  I finally hit a wall, and I started bawling. So I sat with God and told Him how I felt.  I remembered that it was okay to dish it out.  He's big enough and strong enough to shoulder our grief, and more importantly, He cares about us.  So I laid it out there.  And then I slept on it. This morning, I wasn't sure what to think or feel.  I was all cried out, my eyes still puffy, and I just had to push through to get to work.  And then something happened.  I began to realize that I believed that God could intervene.  That God was truly there.  That He had me , as the Holy Spirit has been whispering into my ear all week. ...