Striving.

There was a time in my life when God plucked me out of my comfort zone, and dropped me into a whole new environment.  I learned to rely on Him, trust Him, to look up to Him, much like when a child is scared or uncomfortable, they hold on tight to their parent's hand.  He taught me about grace and gentleness, patience and love.  My heart was light and full and bursting.

But then, I was right back in a place I knew, and today I'm faced with the reality that I'm too comfortable again.  Today, I am burdened with the reality of my lack of grace.  In my striving to do well, I lost sight of people.  I was harsh.  I was uninviting.  My light was dim, and my love was small.  I was task-oriented before people-oriented.  I wanted to finish my job before serving.

My heart was scrunchy and ugly today.  I was scrunchy and ugly today.

In our striving, even striving for good things, we sin.  We stop relying on the Lord's strength, and tap into our own.  We lose sight of His desires for our lives, we forget to turn to the Holy Spirit for discernment, and we dim our ability to view others as God views them: beloved, wanted, beautiful.

I completed my task.  I did my job well.  But I absolutely failed at loving.  I wanted people out of my way so that I could finish my job, I wanted them to figure things out for themselves instead of asking me questions, I wanted people to move as fast as I thought they should.  But I was the one out of line.  Me.

I miss the days of being uncomfortable.  The learning curve at home is not less, but perhaps more.  At the very least, it is different.  Instead of fighting culture shock, climate differences, and time change, we have to fight busyness, routine, and obligation.

Lessons in grace.  Lessons in humility.  Lessons in love.  They never end.  Praise Him for that.