On Being Ill-Equipped.

When we feel the weight of our shortcomings, when the mountain of responsibility in front of us seems so steep, on the days when we do not feel adequate to care for what is in front of us, this truth still stands:

He doesn't call the equipped. 

He equips those He calls.

I am not a natural at caregiving.  I don't know many who are.  At least not when it comes to their own families. It's okay that I feel inadequate– this was never how it was supposed to be.  The brokenness around us is heavily juxtaposed against the remembrance that God had a perfect, beautiful original design for humanity.

"This is not Eden.  Not even close." 

- John & Stasi Eldridge, Captivating

For this season, He has called me to spend one day a week with my mama.  Maybe it's a form of secondary caregiving, but I'm choosing to see it as time we get to spend together, prompted by this less-than-beautiful thing in our life called 'multiple sclerosis'.  God really does redeem the ugliest of things in our lives and uses them for beautiful things. Most days I feel inadequate to care for my mom.  On the roughest days, I feel graceless, weak, and guilty for not being able to deal with my mom's condition better.  But, I am again reminded,

where I am weak, He is strong.
He redeems the hurts in our lives and uses them for our good and His glory.
I was never meant to carry my burdens alone.
He fills my cup with grace, if I would only ask it of Him.
if He has brought me to something, there is no better place for me to be.

All for His glory.

Thank You, YHWH, for Wednesdays with my mom.
Even on the roughest days.
Even in the midst of tears.
Thank You for what You're doing.