{Psalm 8}

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What is man that You remember him,
the son of man that You look after him?
You made him little less than God
and crowned him with glory and honor.
Psalm 8:4-5
 Oh my heart.  Sometimes, I am just straight up baffled at why the Lord desires to know me and use me and bless me and love me, because I just don't seem lovable enough.  But then I am grateful, because unworthiness the platform for grace.  So then, in my ugliness and chaos, I am in the perfect place to accept God's love.  Which is beautiful, because that's usually when I need love the most.

I will always be grateful for this season of life.  It is definitely not where I imagined myself now, and it is definitely not how I would have planned it for myself, but it is so beautiful.  So desperately, perfectly beautiful, in a very countercultural way.  You see, I thought I'd be married right now.  I never set many career goals.  I never had any financial plans.  I just wanted to be married and a mom.  While I still desire to have those wonderful roles in life, I am so filled with joy that I decided to wait on the Lord for that.  In my decision to follow the Lord, I walked away from a very unhealthy long-term relationship, and all of my destructive "ideals" for my life were shattered.

But praise. the. Lord.

If I hadn't made the decision to stop just believing in His existence and start experiencing His existence, I would have missed out on so much.  I am constantly blown away by all of the truly amazing women He has brought into my life.  Seriously, I am at a loss for words to properly convey how much the Lord provided for me.  The very week I decided to end my relationship was when the Lord just started this flood of awesome women coming into my life.  Women who point me and push me towards the Lord for everything.

If I hadn't decided to follow Jesus, I would never have met an awesome sister this past week.  If I hadn't decided to follow Jesus, I wouldn't have just had a tea party while watching Boy Meets World with one of my sweetest new sisters.  If I hadn't decided to follow Jesus, I would have missed out on my best birthday ever making food bags for homeless people and would never have experienced the blessing of passing them out.  And I pray that these things would not be areas of pride for me, but rather areas of praise to the Lord who orchestrated them so marvelously, and a means for me to adopt a spirit of humility because surely, I am completely incapable of writing a life story even half as good as Yahweh.

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